Me & ADHD - Dream On
Hello, my name is Jason. I’m a local entrepreneur in Victora and Dad, among other things. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD; in my 40s! Here’s is a little about my journey:
In late 2022, I sought help for anxiety increasingly impacting my daily life. Unfortunately, despite being already diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder five years before, nothing seemed to help all that much. Being diagnosed with GAD is like being tossed into a crab bucket.
🦀 “We don’t know what it is, so it’s general and somewhere in the freakout realm, but nothing to worry about. So how about you try this, and uh, don’t do that thing anymore. You should probably do this instead. This isn’t for that, but it could help.
As life piled on the pressure, I found myself on constant high alert, unable to come down. And when I did, it was like hitting a wall. Of course, a pandemic didn't help matters. I felt like I had to be there to support everyone else and let them know things would be okay -- even though I was struggling to understand my headspace and what was happening in the world.
It wasn't until after seeking additional help last year that I got a diagnosis of complex PTSD, Anxiety+ express pass, other co-disorders, and - surprise, ADHD!
When most people hear ADHD, they think of someone bouncing off the walls and chattering nonstop. That wasn’t me. My hyperactivity is mostly inside my head (ADD). I struggle to pay attention when things are boring. I feel suffocated in structure, routine and small talk with no possible outcome. My brain craves stimulation and creativity. Plus, I hate being told what to do. I could focus for 20 hours on one thing, usually creating something (like this website after meeting David and Val and wanting to help). Yet, administrative tasks, long meetings and networking make me blink out.
It was a weird mix of emotions when I finally got my diagnosis. I always knew I was different. So I accepted it, even though others didn’t necessarily (bye). But after the fact, it all mostly added up. As a kid, my teachers said, "He doesn't pay attention, lacks structure, is not social, has issues with authority, and always seems like he’s somewhere else -- but a nice kid."
I WAS somewhere else. Here’s a scary statistic:
By age 12, it's estimated neurodivergent people get twenty thousand more negative messages than non-neurodivergent. This shapes how we perceive our place in the world in our most formidable years.
Despite all these challenges, I managed to navigate the world for over 40 years undiagnosed with anything. Not without obstacles, I have been able to mostly live a life free from being put in a box, both literally and figuratively. I founded a company in an unfurnished cold-ass basement that now employs over 120 incredible individuals in BC (not in the basement).
There has always been a driving force within me, urging me to push on and prove others wrong. I am beginning to comprehend what that force truly is. Whenever I am told that I cannot or should not do something, I often respond: watch me (in my head, of course).
I’ve never identified with being an entrepreneur, more so stubborn, not conforming to things I was told early on that I didn’t belong in any way. Being an entrepreneur is exhilarating and immense, but it comes with a lot of failure and isolation. It’s hard work, risk-taking, and a willingness to embrace uncertainty — hello, chaos! Sadly, studies suggest entrepreneurs are impacted at an alarmingly higher rate of mental disorders and other co-morbidities than other groups. Yes, morbidities are part of the package.
“Founders have a higher likelihood of depression (200%), ADHD (600%), substance abuse disorders (300%), and suicidal thoughts (200%) compared to a similar group. Interestingly, those with ADHD are 300% more likely to become entrepreneurs.”
600%? I can’t even do the compounding math on all of those together.
And while there are wonders about having a neurodivergent brain, ADHD can also be disabling, primarily undiagnosed. We're often told we're unreliable, passive, overly sensitive, difficult to pin down, always late, or lazy. It can be embarrassing! But our brains are just different from what's "typical," and our priorities and interests are driven by something else — not always what is expected or wanted. This is the dreamer tax.
The one thing I’ve learned trying to explain ADHD is that it’s misunderstood, dismissed, minimized and treated almost the same as when everyone started liking avocados. Then half of us stopped buying them. Partly because the spectrum is so wide (not avos), and only recently are we understanding it shows up differently based on gender, but mostly because it’s very hard to understand.
It’s often a passive overused cliché. It’s like when someone says, “I’m feeling a bit OCD this morning.” “I have a touch of bi-bolar this afternoon.” or, “I can’t seem to get off TicTok - did you give me your ADD, lol?" Nobody says, “Whoops, a bit of epilepsy this evening; mind your step.” 😠
Um… no, you don’t! (well, you may)
A friend said early after my diagnosis, from an actual doctor, halfway through eating a hamburger, "Oh yeah, I have a bit of that too." And we moved on from the subject quickly.
Just because you lose your keys, love sticky notes, and run late doesn't mean you have ADHD. But for those who do have it, the impact can be devastating to our lives and those around us. We’re Intelligent, caring people who can’t seem to get their sh*t together Every. Single. Day. when you need us to. And when we pop over that wall, it’s not always the expected direction or priorities. Understandably this can confuse people around us. Chances are you love us, but we frustrate the hell out of you at times and amaze you the next day.
Nonetheless, we ADHDers often overcompensate. People pleasers, champions of someone else's cause, supportive of friends and co-workers, and generally looking out for everyone else - constantly putting ourselves last because that's what we were taught. At times, we don't want anything to do with people, but on the other side, we deeply crave acceptance and belonging.
Here’s what we offer given a chance:
Heightened empathy, innovation, enthusiasm, curiosity, intuition, adaptability, inclusion, fairness and creativity. We can be funny because sometimes the only way to get through the day is by finding something to laugh at, usually at our own expense. We may display idiosyncrasies as we stubbornly fight through the world, but we can achieve incredible things with proper support and understanding. If you've met one person with ADHD, you've met one person with ADHD. We're all different and don’t need fixing.
In short, reflecting on all of this new information, I consider my ADHD a strength that allows me to hyper-focus and rapidly find solutions to complex issues, especially under duress when everyone else is freaking tf out. My brain functions differently than what's considered "neurotypical," and I'm learning to love what makes it unique.
I'm so happy to have stumbled onto this group. It feels like I've finally found my people after years and decades of having no understanding. Thanks so much to David and Val for making this happen and allowing me to participate.
Generic disclaimer: I am newly diagnosed, learning something new every day. So basically, I don’t know what I’m talking about, lived experience aside. Please always seek professional help, and hey, join our peer group. You can find me here and on Linked-in.
“When I pause and seems like I’m taking longer to reply in a conversation as if I’m not listening, it’s not because I don’t have an answer; it’s because I have fourteen. I’m trying to slow my brain down to enough to articulate a human response. Either that or it’s a borning conversation and you lost me 🙂.”
- Me
