ADD - A Letter to My Younger Self

Two weeks ago, we asked members of our Support Group community to share their thoughts in relation to the following question:

As adults who are diagnosed with ADHD later in life -- what would you tell your younger self, your pre-diagnosis self - about ADHD/ADD?

During our online Support Group call, one community member read a letter she’d written to herself as a response to this question. This letter deeply moved everyone - we sat in silence, taking these words in as they resonated with our own experiences. We asked permission to share this letter with the public. Perhaps this will resonate with you as well:

ADD-What I’d tell my younger self:

• You are born with ADD.  It is a blessing and a challenge.

• You and your parents are not at fault.

• You are not a bad child.

• You will never be like you’re “farmer” neuro-typical brother.  You each have different brain wiring.

• You have an “Attention Disorder” 

• You will be energetic and mischievous.  This adds to your fun personality and charm and gets you in trouble. 

• When someone says don’t touch that, you will naturally want to explore this “thing” that is off limits, to understand “why” can’t I touch it?

• You will be inquisitive; you will challenge the status quo.  

• You won’t understand why others are happy to sit for long hours, and you need to be outside playing almost all the time.

• You will have wonderful and creative ideas.

Further, you will be brave and seek change and new experiences, even at the discomfort of the preparation, leaving behind and letting go of comforts and familiarity.  People like your brother are amazed by your courage and sense of adventure.

You are hot-headed, reactive, and ready for an argument and sometimes a physical fight.  With time and self-awareness, You will learn and teach yourself to be less reactive as you realize these behaviours negatively affect friendships and relations with family.

You have a huge sense of justice.

You will have a hard time establishing boundaries…mainly because you will start to feel you are not a “good” person, so you give away too much of yourself to please others and be “the good girl/wife,” etc.

You are very likeable and fun to hang out with.  You are incredibly caring and genuinely honest.  

You will struggle to read and write and remember things, but not enough to know that this is part of your ADD and it is normal for you…and is, in fact, part of your “disorder”.

You will be best suited for careers that do not involve a lot of reading, even though you will end up in a career that does so.  But you will figure out a better fit for you within your organization without losing your job.

You will always be seeking to improve and learn.

You will struggle in relationships….and this may take you a long time to figure out.

You will learn about your “disorder” later in life.  You will grieve.  You will wish your parents were alive to talk to them about it and your childhood and their challenges.  This is not your fault or theirs.

You will take steps to understand your non-neurotypical mind.

You will seek accommodations at work etc, when needing…lord knows you have struggled long enough.

You will discuss your “disorder” when it feels appropriate.

You will ALWAYS feel unsettled.  Like you need to be doing something else; courses, moving to a new place for a new adventure, try new experiences, meeting new people.  YOU NEED this. Otherwise, you feel restless and bored.

You are really good at thinking outside the box and creating ways to move forward.

You envy people who have the ability to be comfortable in the same home, same job, same town etc, for many years.  You wish you could function like that and know that your life would be so much simpler, But no, you need to shake things up far too often and calm and predictable feels counter to your mind’s needs.

You will sometimes zone out when in conversation.  People will say you are not interested in what they have to say, and will tell you to try harder and pay attention.

You will get overwhelmed as life adds more responsibilities.  You will need to learn ways to manage your time and responsibilities.

Only accept a partner who loves you for who you are.

You will struggle in Math —-long questions to be more precise.

People will really like you, but you somehow feel like an imposter.  You let people to a certain degree and keep them at a distance so as not to let them down or disappoint them.

You plan last minute because planning ahead is too rigid, and it’s more fun to “go where the wind blows”….this also creates anxiety about the unknown.

You’ll find it difficult to plan and organize.  Planning is stressful, and you will get lost in the details. 

Good sleep habits, regular daily exercise and eating healthy (minimize sugar) are really important to managing your ADD symptoms and the anxiety you experience. 

You are a great starter and idea person, but the follow-through will always challenge you.

All this being said, you are a wonderfully kind, funny, intelligent, and caring human being.  You are worthy of love and of a life full of richness and adventure.  You will have ups and downs, but you are resourceful and resilient and will always find your way.

You have learned to be humble and reach out for support, and offer support to others if they would like it.  

You and your ADD mind are incredibly valuable beings in this world.

You will be just fine 😊

- Xo.  Me.